As we count down the days to what pundits predict may be the most divisive presidential election in American history, let us pause to remember the words of failed comedian-turned-candidate Patrick Layton Paulsen. We can still recall his stirring words from 1968 when he announced, “It is time to forget the petty bickering and settle down to an old-fashioned mudslinging campaign.”
The idea for a satirical campaign was spawned on the politically controversial Smothers Brothers Comedy Hour on CBS. Pat Paulsen (1927-1997), who had served as a U.S. Marine in Korea, was best known for his deadpan TV editorials. He dropped hints on the show that he might run for president, then backed off saying, “I will not run if nominated and, if elected, I will not serve.” He denied any connection with Paulsen for President clubs springing up across the land. Rumors he was about to run for president were “rumors of the worst kind – true rumors,” he said. Asked about Paulsen’s possible plan to enter the race, Bobby Kennedy jokingly told Tommy Smothers, “To tell you the truth, I think his candidacy makes me very nervous.” Parodying other politicians, Paulsen then took his non-campaign to the streets–“kissing hands and shaking babies.”
“In troubled and turbulent times,” he announced, “people must seek out a man they can have confidence in, and more and more, people are turning to me as their confidence man.” His campaign slogan was “We’ve upped our standards, now up yours!”
In one televised rally, a marching band played as a storm of confetti and balloons rained over a crowd chanting “We want Paulsen! We want Paulsen!” Rising to a podium draped in American flags, Paulsen calmed the enthusiastic mob. “I did not want this support,” he said. “I would rather remain as I am today – a common, ordinary, simple savior of America’s destiny.”
Later, describing an unattended rally in Washington, D.C., the candidate told a reporter, “I’m not very good at estimating the size of a throng. I couldn’t really say if it was a large throng or just an average one. I guess you’d say it was a nice throng.”
Paulsen registered in the New Hampshire primary and was photographed unhappily shoveling snow in front of his campaign headquarters. Defeated at the polls, Paulsen returned to the Smothers Brothers show that was continually battling with the CBS censors. “We are not against censorship,” Paulsen editorialized, “because we realize there is always the danger of something being said. There is a place for censors, but we cannot tell you where it is.”
The show was canceled in 1969, but Paulsen continued to run every four years, mapping the mood of the nation with his comedy. He claimed to represent the Straight Talking American Government or STAG Party. His name appeared several times on the New Hampshire ballot.
In February 1972, candidate Paulsen attended a ribbon cutting at the Republican Women’s Club “all candidates headquarters” in Exeter. That same month, the Portsmouth Herald showed Paulsen with 1% of the New Hampshire vote against Richard Nixon. Paulsen claimed his campaign strategy was to “start slow and peter out.” In 1996, according to Wikipedia, Paulsen again got 1% (921 votes) coming in second to President Bill Clinton (76,754 votes).
In each election he took on the candidates. He described George Bush Sr. as “just like Gerry Ford, but without the pizzazz.” He claimed Nixon, who had often run unsuccessfully, “has always managed to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory.” And on another competitor: “There’s a big campaign in California to nominate Ronald Reagan for the presidency. You also hear a lot of talk for Donald Duck.”
There were unfunny moments, too, like when Paulsen nervously appeared in blackface on The Merv Griffin Show. But admitting to his own flaws, he often said, “Although I am a professional comedian, some of my critics maintain that this is not enough.”
Amid many tense elections, Paulsen’s humor was a welcome change of tone, but his voice, silent for the last two decades, often seems as relevant today. “I’m sick of this bitching and moaning,” he said in 1988. “Shut up America! If you don’t like what’s going on, get off your butts and find somebody to take on these problems.” It was a long, funny, deeply American failure. “I embarrass myself sometimes,” Paulsen once said, “but I’ve never tried to embarrass our country.”
A few more Paulsen political positions:
On the military draft: “A lot of people today believe our draft laws are unfair. These people are called soldiers.”
On American Manifest Destiny: “What’s in it for me?”
On gun control “ Let’s preserve our right to kill. Without guns, how can we shoot anybody? Guns are not the problem. The problem is bullets.”
On eldercare: “Social Security was supposed to take care of our old people, but what good has it done? There are more old people now than when it started.”
Copyright 2020 by J. Dennis Robinson, all rights reserved.
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